There You Are
by dayglo1
Summary: Okay, so I’ve decided to write a post-ep CJ/Toby friendship series (Don’t worry, I’m still working on Miles to Go as well). The series is going to start second season, because, well, I haven’t seen the first season.


Title: There You Are  
  
Summary: Method in madness/ Now there's madness in my soul/ I'd run from the darkness now/ I've got no place to go/ And I self destruct/ I close my eyes and then/ There you are   
  
Disclaimers: Not mine. Song's not mine either. Don't sue, I have no money.  
  
Feedback: Makes me very, very happy  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, so I've decided to write a post-ep CJ/Toby friendship series (Don't worry, I'm still working on Miles to Go as well). The series is going to start second season, because, well, I haven't seen the first season. This is a post-ep for In the Shadow of Two Gunmen, Part I, so all episodes up to there are fair game. Please let me know what you think, and whether or not you think I should continue this.  
  
  
  
Give me a reason now that I can understand   
Pick up the pieces now and put them in my hand  
  
  
I sit in my office for a brief moment of rest. Outside, I can hear everyone bustling around. I know that in a moment I will have to go back out there, but for now I rest. I close my eyes, but open them again quickly. All I can see behind closed lids is Josh's blood seeping through my hands and the look on Donna's face when I told her. I can hear CJ's voice outside. She doesn't know it, but Sam pushed her down tonight, saved her. He will never know how grateful I am to him for that. I'm worried about her though, she can't remember what happened tonight. But as my own memories again haunt me, I can't help but think that maybe she's the lucky one.  
  
  
I've been up and down for you   
My suffering extreme   
I fell on my face for you   
Now I know what it means  
  
  
I run around the bullpen, trying to keep up with the information I receive, trying to keep it together, but it's hard. My head is throbbing, and I don't know what happened to my necklace. I know it's a trivial thing to worry about under the circumstances, but I need to fixate on something, anything other than the fact that they're still not sure Josh will make it. I'm worried about Toby, no one seems to know where he is. It's hard to believe sometimes that when he brought me on, it was with optimism and faith. I think mine shattered with the glass above my head tonight.  
  
  
And I self destruct   
I close my eyes and then  
There you are   
  
  
Finally, Ginger tells me Toby's hiding in his office. I stand on the outside of his door, collecting my thoughts, but all I can hear is shattering glass. It's all I remember. For a moment I stand, trying desperately not to fall apart. I can't, not tonight, there's too much to do. I steady myself, then open his door. I see him sitting at his desk, his eyes closed.  
  
  
There you are   
You are   
There you are  
  
  
CJ and I have always been there for each other. Whenever I needed her she was there, no questions asked and I did the same for her. She's been my constant.  
  
  
Yeah you can run out west, forget you know my name   
You say you got your sh*t together, but you ain't got no faith  
  
  
She left me once. We were great friends, then something changed. We got into a fight the likes of which this administration has never seen. And she left. She went back out to California and I didn't hear from her for five years. And then I followed her out, to bring her back.  
  
  
Method in madness   
Now there's madness in my soul   
I'd run from the darkness now   
I've got no place to go  
And I self destruct   
I close my eyes and then  
There you are   
  
  
I close my eyes at that memory. I brought her out here to help make a difference and instead she fell to the ground tonight as glass shattered above her. I am suddenly sickened by the thought that perhaps bringing her into this was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I hear the clearing of a throat and open my eyes. CJ's standing in my doorway, watching me carefully.  
  
  
There you are   
You are   
There you are  
  
  
"We have a meeting in Leo's office"  
  
I nod, getting out of my chair, "okay".  
  
As we leave my office, she grabs my arm, "Toby, you know things are going to get better, right?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
She smiles slightly, "good".  
  
  
There you are   
There you are   
You are   
There you are  
  
  
Walking to Leo's office, I realize that things will get better. We've been friends longer than either of care to admit, and together we can help each other and the others. We will get better.  
  
  
There you are   
There you are  
  
  
Finis 


End file.
